So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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