i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have tasted many bathrooms
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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