I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
