I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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