booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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