They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
