Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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