the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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