haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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