I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
this hospital has no fireball
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
