Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
