No awkward lesbian experiences without me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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