Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
