I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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