i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
