She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
