you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
