I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
