Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
