After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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