i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
