she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
