He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
