Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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