i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
