If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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