We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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