I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
