My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize