so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
