I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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