Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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