dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
