I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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