I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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