She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize