I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
