i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
