I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
