Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
