I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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