I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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