Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
