i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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