I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
