I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
