so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
