Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
