how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
