no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
