I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
