I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We are all done wearing pants today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
