new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
