so explain again why im purple
no
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
