Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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