a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
