but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
