why didn't you poke me back
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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