whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
