Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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