I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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