I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
