"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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