I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
