Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
