I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have fence marks all over my body
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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