Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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