I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
