its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
