I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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