my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
