My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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