you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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