once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
